A fellow Deviant out there is destroying me with each and every post she puts up. I hate her. I hate my life. The boy who she misses so much was my boyfriend. We were going to get married, and move to Seattle, and make a life for each other. Then she had phone sex with him, and that's when I realized that things were not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped. Then she molested me. Repeatedly. And then he and I had to date in secret, because they found out that she had kissed him, and didn't believe that it had been entirely her fault. I tried to believe it, but I guess I never really did, either. This left the door wide open for her. She slipped in, and suddenly I'm hearing from one of my other friends, "Guess who's the new girlfriend." I tried to kill myself in the McDonalds bathroom. I slung my belt around my neck, each second wishing for death. All the while, he still wanted to be with me. Or so he said... Then he came back into town from Texas. I didn't get to see him. He went to Utah with this former friend of mine. She came home, bragging about how she'd performed oral sex on him. He denied it. I knew they had. And now she posts stuff like, "I feel like he's a chalk outline in my bed." We were supposed to be each other's first-times, for everything. I know it'll never happen. I know it never was supposed to happen. But my heart's been breaking for more than two whole years now. I want to forget the last three years of my life. I want to forget about all the time during which I knew her. I want my memory to atrophy, just as my body is currently.